Not Alone
an interview by Amy Crooks
This month’s focus on Proverbs and Godly wisdom got me reflecting on the women who are a little farther down the road than I am. Women who encouraged me with real, frequently unattractive stories of motherhood when my kids were young. Women who didn’t polish up the outside before sharing some of the hard seasons they’d navigated in their marriages. Women who were wise. Women who have been compassionate and generous to me.
One of those women is Lori Elliott. Below is a summary of a conversation I had with her about a recent mess that came crashing down on her and the wisdom that is emerging.
Q. You’ve been a Christian for a long time. Do you have any bumps or bruises?
Ahhhhh! (laughing nervously) Can I show you my scars? Old Ladies like to show their scars.
I can talk about this now a little bit with very safe people. The enormous pain, shame and heartbreak of what happened in my family this past year or so is still current. And much is still unresolved.
The wounds are healing—I didn’t think they would. I didn’t think I would survive. In the middle of it all, I knew I wanted to persevere, but I didn’t know if I could. So I just drew the next breath. And that’s all I could manage sometimes. But occasionally with that breath I could also choke out a begged appeal to God for a glimmer of hope. Pleading with Him to let me know He could hear me. He gave me that needed glimmer every time. Mind you, there was no resolution—but He provided a reminder that He wouldn’t leave. That He heard me. He gave no answer to what was happening in my life, what I was supposed to do, when it would end. He did say “I’m here; you’re going to survive this.”
Q. What wisdom have you garnered this last decade? What false wisdom have you discarded?
I had always lived in dread of something terrible happening because I believed my family was cursed. That someone (me!?) had unknown, unconfessed sin that would cause God to punish the people I love most. Or that He’d come for them for some generational sin that I didn’t even know about—that whole “sins of the fathers” visited on the following generations thing. The false wisdom I had said that if I could confess, serve and pray hard enough I might be able to outmaneuver, outrun this pending judgment. I lived in fear of the inevitable.
Here’s what I know. Here is what is wise. His ways are not our ways and His ways are always good.
I have a much clearer view of what He does with the ugliness and the ashes. You know that phrase—“He makes beauty from ashes.” I always thought that was a sweet phrase. It’s not a sweet phrase. Think about it. What did you have to go through to get to the ashes? Everything that you thought mattered is burned up and gone. My ashes represent extreme trauma and loss. What beauty could possibly come from that? Let me tell you. The beauty is His presence. His comfort. Assurance of His sovereignty. Real wisdom. God had not cursed my family. He let everything burn so He could show me that. He is the beauty that emerges from the ashes. And He is mine.
Q. What do you know about wisdom today?
Proverbs isn’t a book of promises—behave like this and you will have this guaranteed outcome in your life. Those kinds of “negotiations” with God aren’t wise, appropriate or Biblical. Proverbs tell me that I’d be wise to behave a certain way. It tells me that some things are unknowable to me; that those same things are knowable to my God. It tells me that what I’m called to know is Him and to know Him requires me to search. The treasure is worth the search.
1st Thursday Connect
Autumn: Aging with Wisdom is the theme for our October gathering.
“When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple….” Jenny Joseph penned that now famous line in her poem “Warning” in 1961 at the age of 29. Truth be told, Jenny hated the color purple, but her poem has inspired thousands of women to wear purple. In 1997, Sue Ellen Cooper of Fullerton, California, gave her friend a vintage red fedora and a copy of “Warning” for her 55th birthday. Sue Ellen went on to found the popular Red Hat Society. The women wear red hats and purple outfits to their public gatherings where tea is usually served.
“Warning” celebrates aging ungracefully, the antithesis of Proverbs and the life lived in wisdom. As we conclude our study of Proverbs, we are going to honor our most elderly New Life Women. They have been and are being transformed by Jesus and are seeking to walk in God’s wisdom and grace in their old age. They are an encouragement and example to us. Wear something purple and join us for a special evening!
Thursday, October 7
6:30-8:30 p.m.
New Life Church West Linn
Note, we will not be serving dinner this month. We will still meet from 6:30-8:30 p.m. and will serve tea inside. RSVP at https://newlifenw.com/wl-women.
Odds and Ends
Kardiology 101: How to Guard your Heart studies are available. This excellent study can be done at your own pace as a deeper addition to our Transplant study. Request a copy on the Women’s Ministry website.
Resources for Side by Side Bible Reading, the Transplant study, and memorization cards for Romans 8 can be found on the website. You can also request mailed resources and share prayer needs there.
We will memorize Romans 8:5-9 in October.
Women’s Ministry has a Zoom account which you are welcome to use with your Side by Side Bible Reading partner. Access by clicking the link or by typing bit.ly/SidebySideBibleReadingRoom in your browser. If needed, the passcode is 770914.
The Word Speaks, a conference on God’s Word for the women of Willamette Valley, will be held November 5-6 in Silverton. This conference is hosted by Salem Heights Church, and the speakers for the conference are Jen Wilkin and Elizabeth Woodson. Registration is open.
Links
Below are links to articles, books, podcasts, and music that might be of interest or help on various topics. Resources are curated but may not always reflect the views of New Life Church. Enjoy!
What Fools Despise—by Kristin @ The Palest Ink. Applying Proverbs.
Be Worthy of Your Gray: what reminders of mortality can do for us—@ World Magazine.
Stormfront—another beautiful piece by Kristin. A reminder to trust God’s character, knowing we are in His strong hands.
You Can’t Fake What You Love—@ Desiring God. An excellent article to pair with Transplant.
The Illusion of Normal Days—@ Desiring God.
Does This Really Matter—@ Well-Watered Women. “The little moments are where our hearts are formed, our thoughts are shaped, our motivations are refined, and our lives are changed.”
Critique Purity Culture, but Teach Sexual Ethics to Teens—@ TGC.
You Need Christ to Put Your Sin to Death—by Dane Ortlund. See his new book Deeper: Real Change for Real Sinners as well. Good reads to go along with Jeremiah.
Christ-Centered Exposition: Exalting Jesus in Jeremiah and Lamentations
The Book of Jeremiah—a playlist on Spotify to accompany your study.
Transplant—a Spotify playlist to go along with our Transplant study.
Jesus Isn’t Scared of My Suffering and Questions—by Bethany Barnard. Her new album, All My Questions, gives words to a lot of our questions in suffering.
